


art and song

by determination



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, it's still fluff don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:48:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/determination/pseuds/determination
Summary: an au where the Phantom Thieves (Akira, Ryuji, Ann) are a band and Yusuke is the artist who does artwork for their official website (and Morgana is probably their band logo lol)





	art and song

**Author's Note:**

> this was the first p5 fic i wrote!!! i say that bc i'm planning to post a couple after this since i wrote a few in a row and just haven't gotten around to posting them so i might as well post them all at once lol  
> this au was one of the first things i came up with and i really love it because i love band aus sdfkhsg its honestly not surprising this was the first p5 idea i came up with... i just love mixing my hyperfixations with music lol  
> anyway, the gist of the au is mentioned in the fic, but basically yusuke was a fan of the phantom thieves and did fanart paintings of them and they were so impressed they asked him to be their official artist and do art professionally for them...this takes place sometime down the line after he's been working with them for a while lol  
> also, i included a tag for it but please do note there is depiction of self harm so please tread carefully if that could be triggering;;  
> so yeah, i hope you enjoy reading this! and please no criticisms or critiques.

Yusuke watches from backstage, gaze flitting between his sketchbook and the band performing in front of him. The band... that's what he tells himself, anyway; in truth, he only has eyes for one member. 

Attractively unkempt black hair swept over dark, passionate eyes. A soft yet powerful voice that sends chills down his spine, that guides his hand to paper as if it were designed to. Even above all the noise, all he can hear is that voice; even through all the chaos and lights, all he can see is that slender figure, the flap of coattails and sway of the mic stand.

He's so drawn in that he barely registers as he flips through page upon page, trying to capture each moment, each movement stirring new emotions that can hardly be contained. 

He'll be scolded later, surely. He can already hear the complaints: "There are more members to this band than a vocalist!" "What about our fans? Don't you think they'll want to see art of us too?"

Reasonable, he knows. 

But it's too much to comprehend in the moment, not when all he can focus on is the way the vocalist moves to the beat of the song, his expressions as he belts the chorus into the mic, the emotional lyrics that grace his ears.

His heart races as the singer smiles, and his fingers itch to turn the page to allow him a chance to transfer the enticing image to paper. He complies, unable to curb the elated feeling he gets as he hurries to sketch every angle, every second he can capture. 

Nothing feels this good. Nothing could ever change how he feels about the singer. 

But soon, he becomes aware of the screams, the cheers, the chaos. It all comes crashing down: where he is, who he's looking at, what's happening.

The song has ended, the fans are ecstatic, and he's forced to acknowledge just how popular the singer is. The screams are a stark reminder of every girl who had fallen for the very voice that had touched Yusuke's heart, the face that always makes him dream of the perfect painting. 

And in that moment, he feels more alone than he's ever felt before, standing there, sketchbook full of portraits of someone he stands no chance with. 

But that's how it should be, he reminds himself. He deserves this. 

So he forces himself to go further, pictures every girl the singer must have dated, every girl he must have kissed. To the point where he feels physically ill, and drawing the other band members is the only thing he can do to distract himself. 

This is just how he works, he reasons as he hastens to sketch the bassist's fluffy pigtails and the drummer's end pose with both drumsticks in the air. 

He blanches as thoughts of the singer remain. Sharp pain stings the back of his hand... a last attempt to rid the thoughts from his mind, sharp pencil tip digging under skin to draw blood to the surface. 

Pain. Focus on that. 

The remainder of the show is spent with split attention between the drummer and bassist.

This will do. This is enough. 

 

\--

 

"What happened to your hand?" Akira asks, concern lacing his voice as he reaches for the artist, gentle fingers brushing the bandaged wound. Yusuke winces and resists the urge to pull away - not from pain, but because of the strong emotions still swirling around inside him. He has to calm down. 

This means nothing.

"Paper cut," he replies absently, giving the singer a smile. "Don't worry about it."

Akira hardly looks convinced, but his attention is drawn by the whistle Ryuji releases as he flips through the sketchbook Yusuke had handed him. "Nice work. Still a lotta Joker, but there's more balance this time. Thanks, dude." He gives the artist a thumbs up as he passes the book to Ann, who eagerly begins to examine the pictures he'd drawn of her.

"These turned out so good, Yusuke," she praises, beaming as she pauses to point out one page. "This one's my favorite! Look at how pretty I look... this is even better than looking at photos, y'know!"

"I'm glad you think so," Yusuke chuckles, accepting when she returns the sketchbook to him. "Sorry for still being biased in my work."

"Nah, we get it," Ryuji shrugs while shooting him a crooked grin. "Our man Akira's objectively the best-lookin' among us. Fans are gonna want more pics of him anyway." Yusuke's heart stutters as he involuntarily thinks of every girl who will buy his artworks, head over heels for the artist's muse. 

With a startle, he belatedly realizes Akira has been gazing expectantly at him. "I haven't looked yet," he says, holding his hand out for the sketchbook Yusuke clutches at his side. 

"Ah, my apologies," he quickly offers the book to the singer, who takes it and seeks the dressing room couch where he seats himself as he starts slowly going through each page. Yusuke watches, mesmerized for a moment before his senses catch up with him and he amends, "You don't have to be so thorough... I haven't even touched any of them up. It's all just hasty sketches."

"But I like looking at your art," Akira gazes up at him with a soft smile, the one that always renders Yusuke unable to function. He can only mumble his thanks, taking the spot beside Akira and doing his best to avert his eyes. 

Ryuji and Ann share an amused look and a whisper. Yusuke misses what they say, but Akira seems to have heard loud and clear as blush brightens his cheeks and he tells them to be quiet and leave if they have nothing useful to add. 

"Chill, man, we're on our way out," Ryuji laughs. He finger guns at the singer. "We're gonna get changed and go get food. Whaddya want?" 

After Yusuke and Akira relay their orders, the pair make a speedy exit, leaving them alone. 

Yusuke is painfully aware of how close they're sitting, berates himself for not being more careful as he sat down. It'll be fine, he tries to reassure himself. Akira is preoccupied, and once he's done, he'll take the sketchbook and leave so the singer can have his peace. 

Don't think too hard. Don't think too hard. Don't-

He realizes that Akira has long since put the sketchbook down, and is eyeing his hand again where he'd rested it on his knee. He moves to hide the wound again, but that only seems to aggravate the singer.

"Tell me the truth, Yusuke," he says, holding eye contact with the artist. "That's not a paper cut, is it. There's way too much blood."

Guilt punctures his chest like an icepick. "I..." he wants to find another excuse, something that won't cause his dear friend to worry, but there's nothing believable he could possibly say. In the end, he sighs and raises his hand to gaze spitefully at the bloodied bandage he'd wrapped around it. "... I had some unpleasant thoughts. They wouldn't go away... so I tried to make them. That's all."

"Yusuke..." Akira's tone is unreadable. He sets the sketchbook aside to tenderly take Yusuke's hand in his. "I know this isn't the first time. Self harm isn't a good way to cope with that." 

"I know," Yusuke says bitterly. He knows he should retract his hand, but he can't fight the way his body reacts, can barely withhold the unbridled joy he feels at having Akira touch him so gently. "I just wanted to focus on drawing so I acted a bit rashly. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing you need to apologize for," Akira shakes his head, giving the artist a pointed stare. "You did clean it well, didn't you?" A sharp nod. "Good... it'd be a real danger if an artist got an infection in his hand."

"It's not my dominant hand," Yusuke mutters, mildly amused, "I'll be fine, Akira." 

Akira huffs, then picks the sketchbook back up, gazing down at the page he'd stopped

  1. To Yusuke's delight, he doesn't release his hand. 



Ah, Yusuke recognizes that one. The last portrait of Akira he'd done before getting overwhelmed by negative thoughts. He feels that he did a good job portraying the singer's smile in that moment.

"...I noticed," Akira murmurs, "that you abruptly change subjects here. Did something happen?" 

Yusuke feels hot blush spark across his face. "N-no!" he blurts, cursing himself for the crack in his voice. "I just... I realized I hadn't drawn the other band members yet, so I..." Again, Akira is unreadable, a slight frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I see," he says quietly. Reluctantly, he closes the sketchbook and hands it back to Yusuke. He averts his gaze, then glances back up at Yusuke with a grin. "Maybe it's selfish, but... I was kind of hoping there'd be more of me." 

The artist's heart skips a beat. His face grows warmer with each passing second as he attempts to decipher Akira's meaning, mind racing with the effort. Is this... is he jealous, somehow? Is he bothered that Yusuke didn't draw him more? How is he supposed to feel about that if it is the case?

"Well, I could... if you are not otherwise engaged, I could draw you right now," he offers, cursing himself for not thinking this over before offering. The way Akira's face lights up changes his mind.

"Really?" he smiles dazzlingly. "I'd like that. Thanks." Releasing Yusuke's hand, he stretches and sheds his coat, then gets up to retrieve a notebook from the vanity behind them before settling more comfortably beside Yusuke. "I'm just going to work on some new song lyrics. We can both get some work done, yeah?"

"Y-yeah..." Yusuke manages to reply, but his heart beat is making it difficult to focus. Especially when he already misses the warmth of Akira's hand.

With a hesitant, low exhale, he himself shifts to get more comfortable before opening his sketchbook to a new page.

He observes Akira in silence as the singer starts to work, occasionally scribbling notes into the notebook in his hands. It's not long before he loses himself in his observations, drawn to the smallest details from the light in Akira's eyes to the slightly disheveled state of his hair, to the way his dress shirt clings to his torso. 

Even now, he's so effortlessly beautiful. Even when there's nothing happening, when they're sitting quietly in each others' presence, he still manages to steal Yusuke's breath away and prove that he truly is the only one who can unfailingly inspire Yusuke's art.

Pencil in hand, he dutifully sketches what he sees. Intimate scenes like this would probably sell better, but he knows he'll end up keeping this one. No one else deserves to see Akira like this. 

At least he can find solace in the fact that he is the only one granted this scene.

"You look pleased," Akira comments, eyeing him with a lopsided grin. 

"I am," Yusuke admits earnestly, too lost in his work to really think about his words. "You're the perfect model, after all." 

Unable to register the sentiments he'd spoken, he instead notices the blush as it spreads from Akira's cheeks to the tips of his ears. Such a lovely color...

He hurries to change pages to make sure he doesn't miss the chance to capture this moment.

They fall into a comfortable silence again, the only sounds the scratch of pencil and paper. 

Yusuke quietly draws and loses himself in the beauty of his subject. Soon, Akira begins humming, and then he loses himself further, caught up in the enchanting sound of dulcet tones and exquisite visuals. 

Yes, no one else deserves to see this.

After Yusuke doesn't know how long, the bassist and drummer return with the promised food, and Yusuke and Akira break to eat. 

"More drawing?" Ryuji says incredulously as he catches sight of the sketchbook Yusuke had left open. "Jeez, you never stop, do you."

"It's my duty as an artist," Yusuke responds hotly. "As a fellow artist of the musical kind, I'd expect you to understand what that's like." 

"Oh no, I gotcha," Ryuji laughs as he shoves sushi into his mouth. "I just think it's funny, s’all. I mean, you never can draw enough of Akira." That comment makes Yusuke's face heat up.

"This one is so cute," Ann interjects as she holds up the book to point at the portrait of a blushing Akira he'd finished minutes earlier. "It's super candid-looking. I feel like I've never seen Akira make an expression like that unless he's with you."  

Now Yusuke's heart skips a beat. "What do you mean?" he asks, but the bassist just giggles and shrugs. Akira shoots her a look. There are still remnants of blush on his cheeks. Yusuke adores the color.

"We know, we know," Ryuji waves a hand in the singer's direction. " _ Shut up and eat _ , right?"

With the meal finished, the noisy pair depart again, citing their reason as going to to hang out with fans outside the venue. Akira declines their invitation to join them, which hadn't even seemed heartfelt to begin with, so Yusuke isn't surprised. Instead, he and Akira are left alone once more, and the singer's eyes are already drawn to the portrait Ann had mentioned.

"I didn't know that's the sort of expression I was making," he mutters with a sigh. "It's not off-putting, is it?"

"Not at all," Yusuke assures with a passionate shake of his head. "It was quite an adorable expression." Ah. Perhaps that was too forward of a statement to make. But, as if to reassure him, Akira smiles.

"Glad to hear it," he says warmly. Yusuke feels as if he could melt just looking at him.

"... May I continue...?" he hesitantly asks. When Akira nods, he picks up his sketchbook and resumes where he'd left off, adding a few finishing details before flipping to a new page. 

In this moment, he's struck by just how lucky he is. How many other people could have had this chance? To think, that just months ago he was merely a fan artist, presenting a band he liked with his paintings as a gift, only to have them invite him to draw officially for their own store. 

A blessed opportunity that he still hasn't taken for granted.

And, spending time with Akira has proved to be quite a source of encouragement and inspiration for him, no matter the circumstances. As an artist, he couldn't be more content.

Still, he can't help wanting for something more. The warmth of Akira's hands, the closeness, his sweet, kind words... Is it unreasonable to desire to be the closest to him?

"That's a pretty intense stare," Akira's voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and he blushes as he catches sight of the amused grin on the singer's face. Nevermind the reason for it, he immediately begins sketching, averting his gaze to the paper in front of him.

"Apologies," he mutters, to which Akira just laughs.  _ You're just too beautiful _ , he finds himself thinking. He would never voice it aloud, though.

He absorbs himself in drawing, using his memory as a tool so he doesn't look for longer than necessary. It's not that Akira seemed uncomfortably about it, but he doesn't want to risk giving anything away. He has little control like this, anyway, and he'd rather avoid making an unnecessary expression or saying something that could betray himself.

After a little while though, he notices Akira is no longer on the couch next to him. He raises his head in confusion, looking around for the missing singer.

"Behind you," Akira's voice sounds extremely close, sending a shiver down his spine. He nearly loses his balance as his head snaps back to get a look at the singer where he leans on the back of the couch, presumably having been watching Yusuke draw. "Sorry, you looked so passionate, I couldn't help getting distracted. Is it a problem if I watch?"

"N-no," Yusuke puts a hand over his heart to try and calm its rapid beating. He hadn't expected Akira to get that close. How long had he been there? "Isn't it boring, though?"

"Not at all," Akira smiles once again, setting off a fluttering feeling in Yusuke's chest. 

"If that's the case..." The artist takes a deep breath and repositions himself to give Akira a better view of his sketchbook. He's exceedingly self conscious, thoughts racing with the possibilities of what Akira might be thinking, but he steadies his hand and begins again with decisive lines. 

Silence falls over them once more, and Yusuke grows more comfortable with their situation. This isn't so bad, he supposes. Akira is a kind person. He would never think badly of Yusuke's art, no matter how badly his sketches might come out. Besides, he said so earlier that he likes what Yusuke draws. Even his silly sketches earn praise, despite being nothing like their painted counterparts. Still, if Akira thinks he's good enough, it must be true. He can at least feel proud in that regard.

"You really do make me look more handsome than I am, don't you," Akira comments nonchalantly. It takes Yusuke a moment to process, and when he does, he nearly drops his sketchbook in his haste to turn to face the singer, shaking his head vehemently.

"Not at all!" he says, meeting the singer's gaze in earnest. "I'm only capable of drawing what I see! To say my art embellishes real life... no, when it comes to you, it's just not true. I could never do you justice-!" He cuts himself off when he realizes what he's saying. "Ah... that is to say, I... I didn't mean..." His cheeks grow warmer with each passing second that he looks into Akira's curious eyes, until he can take no more and abruptly looks away. "I apologize for... my forwardness..."

Akira bursts into laughter a second later, drawing Yusuke's gaze back to him. There's a sweet pink painting his face, and his expression seems to show that he's pleased with Yusuke's response. "Thanks for thinking so," Akira shines that smile on him once more, and Yusuke thinks for a second his heart may stop beating.

How can he be so blessed? Every second with Akira truly feels like a defining moment in time, as if every god and every force of fate had pushed him here. 

In this moment, he wishes for nothing else but to kiss Akira.

But that wish is selfish, and he does his best instantly squash it. 

"I..." he holds his sketchbook to his chest, wracked with indecision. What should he do? If he stays longer, he'll just get overwhelmed by his own selfish desires. Perhaps it would be for the best if... "I should get going." 

Without hesitating, he quickly flips his sketchbook closed and jumps up from the couch, making a beeline for the exit. 

Akira catches on faster, though, and before he can make it to the door, desperate hands close around his wrist. 

"Wait!" Akira's voice is filled with uncertainty and concern, which sends a shockwave of guilt through Yusuke's body. But he can't bring himself to look back. "Why...? Did I do something wrong?"

"That's not it!" Yusuke shakes his head. He wills away the blush threatening him, but it stains his cheeks and the tips of his ears all the same. "I..."  _ I'm scared of my feelings _ .

After a long pause, Akira sighs. Yusuke thinks briefly that the singer will let go of him, but, to his surprise, he's yanked back, pulled against Akira, wrapped in arms that speak of their own desire not to let him go. He's forced to meet Akira's gaze, and is shocked to see the way Akira looks at him - a mixture of hurt, affection, and an emotion he can't quite pinpoint.

"Why are you running away...?" Akira asks quietly, eyes searching Yusuke's face for an answer. Yusuke's voice catches in his throat. He's never seen Akira like this before. 

He's struck by the urge to revel in it, but at the same time his fingers itch to break out his sketchbook, despite how disrespectful that would be.

"I... I'm not... running from anything," he finally manages to get the words out, averting his gaze to the floor. 

Akira's grip on him tightens. "Then look me in the eyes and say it," the singer mutters. His tone confuses Yusuke beyond words, so he obeys and looks back up, mesmerized by the troubled expression he's met with. "Tell me why you always leave when I try to get closer to you."

Yusuke's heart threatens to beat its way out of his chest as he does his best to understand his friend's words. "When you... what...?" he utters lamely, ultimately baffled. Is that what Akira has been doing? Has he really been... trying to...?

"At first, I thought I was just satisfied with your drawings," Akira goes on when Yusuke is unable to do so. "I was the only subject. I thought... even if you never honestly told me anything, that I could infer just what you felt for me. Maybe that was stupid and selfish of me." He gives a short, self deprecating laugh. "But then you started drawing less of me. I keep feeling... like no matter what I do, you're getting further away from me. Even when we're alone, even when I think we make progress, you back out at the last second and leave me feeling like I don't understand anything." 

Yusuke can barely keep up, can hardly hear anything over the roar of his heartbeat. 

"Do... do your drawings mean nothing?" Akira asks, brows furrowed in desperation. "Am I wrong? Am I just a model to you? Have I been leading myself on this whole time?" 

The artist opens and closes his mouth a few times, but his voice refuses to come out. He's certain his whole face must be red by now, but he can't tear his eyes away from Akira's pained expression. 

Had he really been this dense the entire time?

"I've even been working on a stupid song for you, since nothing else seemed to work," Akira reluctantly lets go of Yusuke, running a hand through his hair in exasperation, "but you never showed any interest."

Finally, noise escapes Yusuke, a small whimper of disbelief that widens Akira's eyes. "I-I thought..." God, his face feels like it's on fire. "I just... I didn't want to pry into your work!"

"Really??" Akira gapes at him. "After all of the times I conveniently left my notes out in the open when you were in the room?"

Ah. Yusuke does seem to recall something of that nature occurring.

Overwhelmed by lightheadedness, he starts to slump over, but Akira is quick to catch him, gentle arms holding him up. 

How could he have been so blind all this time? How did he let himself get so caught up in his own projections, never really seeing the Akira who was right in front of him?

The singer had bared his soul for Yusuke. Perhaps Yusuke could do the same. 

Still dizzy, he rests his head on Akira's shoulder. He can feel Akira's quickened heart rate, coaxing him to speak.

"The... the wound on my hand. It's not the first time I..." he loses confidence, embarrassed by his prior delusions, but Akira waits patiently for him to recover. "Leave it to you to always notice. It's silly, but I always end up thinking ridiculous things while watching you on stage. About... about how different we are. About... all the girls who love you. I can't help thinking... that there are so many others who deserve you and probably care about you even more than I do." He smiles bitterly, despite the singer being unable to see it. "It felt like the only way to stop thinking about those things was to hurt myself."

"Yusuke..." Akira's hold on him tightens slightly, morphing into an embrace. 

"It's my own fault," the artist shakes his head. "I was too caught up in my own head. I convinced myself I didn't deserve anything and that you would inevitably become intimate with someone else."

Akira exhales slowly. He gauges whether Yusuke is stable enough before lifting his hands to cup Yusuke's face and look into his eyes. 

They're quiet as they look at each other. Yusuke's heart rattles in his chest, like a caged bird waiting to be set free. He's not sure what to do or say now, mind still going over all of the information Akira had told him.

So Akira has been interested in him since the beginning? And this whole time, while he'd been lost in thoughts of worthlessness, the singer had been patiently trying to figure out how he felt? 

So... even when he'd tried so hard to be unbiased in his art, his true feelings had still always shown through.

He feels an overwhelming guilt for making Akira wait so long.

Perhaps that is what will set him free, then. 

"Akira, may I-"

"Yusuke, can I-" 

They start and stop at the same time, looking at one other in alarm. A small smile breaks across Akira's face, which earns a short, breathless laugh from Yusuke. 

"You first," Akira encourages. 

"No, I would rather if you went first," Yusuke shakes his head, biting his lip. 

With a resigned sigh, Akira nods and steels himself. "Can I... kiss you?"

Those words open the cage and send Yusuke's heart fluttering to his throat. He feels like his while body is trembling in anticipation. 

Voice rendered useless, all he can do is give a small nod of his approval.

Akira's smile widens. Slowly, he leans in, closing the distance between them with a practiced ease. Yusuke can barely contain himself, and, despite Akira's words, he meets the singer halfway, sloppily pressing their lips together. This catches Akira by surprise as he stiffens, but he soon relaxes into the kiss, holding Yusuke close as warmth flows into him. 

Kissing Akira is soft, sweet, and marked with his own inexperience, but Akira doesn't seem to mind guiding him. He can't get enough, desire building in the pit of his stomach. He wants more, to feel Akira's warmth, to kiss deeper, but he's already feeling remarkably lightheaded, clinging to Akira to keep himself steady.

As Akira starts to pull back, Yusuke eagerly catches his mouth again, unwilling to part just yet. The singer laughs musically into his mouth as he complies, kissing Yusuke all over again.

When the pair finally break apart, they rest their foreheads against one another, tips of their noses touching as they try to catch their breath. 

No more words are exchanged, but soon after, they meet each other's gaze again and go in for one more kiss, short and sweet, and Yusuke thinks he's never felt so happy in his whole life. 

"I want to paint this," he says breathlessly, enjoys the soft laugh that escapes Akira. 

"Of course you do." He smiles fondly, eyes full of affection as he looks at the artist. "To be honest, I want to make a song about it." 

Yusuke's heart skips a beat. "A... love song?"

"Yeah," Akira nods, seemingly pleased to see the shade of red coloring Yusuke's face. "Would you be ok with that?" 

He doesn't even have to think before answering. "Of course!" 

 

\--

 

The next set of paintings that go up on the band's website sell out in record time. Fans comment that there's a certain intimacy to these that none of the earlier paintings had, but Yusuke doesn't mind their deductions. After all, the real thing is infinitely better than a painting. 

Well, that, and he sort of hopes the fans will catch on about their relationship. Especially when the band's next song comes out. 

Ann and Ryuji pretend to be surprised, but Yusuke supposes they were a lot more observant then he was.


End file.
